so I haven't posted in forever, and I don't have time to post, and I rrrrrrreally shouldn't be posting right now. ummm but i'll try to be as brief as I can be. this is gonna come out in a tangled, unorganized mess but enjoy....
been getting really nostalgic lately over my college friends and old/good times. yet those weren't even very good times in my life. yet they're filled with SUCH good times. if that makes any sense. also been kinda getting pissed about my house situation. but that's never new. actually, that's very constant. there's very little times when I'm NOT some degree of frustrated over it. gaaaahhh I love food so much. I ate so much on thanksgiving and black friday, or rather just a lot of crap. it was nice to relax for just one day. you never realize the holidays are actually about relaxing, or SHOULD be relaxing, until they're upon you, all the cooking, preparations, whatever presents are done, cleaning, etc. and then you have waaaaaaay tooo much to eat around hopefully your loving awesome family and you take that moment to go "oh yeah! so thaaaat's what it feels like to rest for once in my life". black friday was awesome. got a vacuum cleaner and some presents for my sisters and my present for adrienne and some new bras and cuuuute new shirts/tops and a pair of pants that was probably more of an impulse buy, that I'll probably end up returning. but yeah lots of new awesome things, including some oranges (wth? why not!), a set of all these picture frames and bottles of fragrance-y body wash (hellooooo christmas gifts). I've been staying up a lot lately for one reason or another. I should be doing my projects for spanish right now. both are due weds. i have about maybe 5-6 hours if i get back from school on time, if go to bed by midnight. haha. let the last 2 weeks of fun begin :-p. why do I do this so myself? do everything and then stretch myself too thin? cuz I love doing everything. I hate saying no to something or someone. and face it, I like actually living a life. at home doing hw= not having a life. i can't friggin wait till i'm done with sleazy geneds. yes, I will call them sleazy all I want because they whore out all of your energies. So, have not gotten to inform this blog yet, but I won best actress award at statesville. could NOT believe I was one of the top five people to be chosen! it was a great feeling. Then for matt's bday I took him out to shoot archery, went to check out this amazing local war museum, cantigny, went to dinner at the omega. soooo good. then went to the comedy shrine for the first time. was actually pretty good! wouldn't call it, like, second city material. but it was pretty good. college kids came home this weekend. was great to see abbie, laura, and brad again! good times. it was awesome to catch up on talking to both of them. aaaaand cue me falling asleep. I WOULD fall asleep while writing my own blog. ummm. I'll try to inform this blog about more blanks and life experiences later? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
overall a good weekend
ohhh man so, thursday I went to metro, a restaurant, with matt. was pretty good except the service was crappy. suuuuper slow, and he says it usually isn't. and they didn't seem to really care about us. they barely came to check up on us and the waittress didn't stay any longer than she needed, so I ended up needing a few things and she walked away before I could ask them. and THEN after our meal me and matt decided to go for a run. we left about 6:30 and came back at 7:15. we had somewhere around 5 minutes each of warm up and cool down walking, so ten-fifteen mins of non-running, which means 30 mins of running, which would have been at least 3 miles at the rate we were going! it felt so good after that. We're gonna run more often and we're doing the turkey trot (a 5k) on thanksgiving. Man I'm so glad/excited! Friday I hung out with Nikki and Kristin at panera bread and Nikki's house. It was cool that we were all, for once, free on a friday and could actually just chill. Well, later they started drinking and it winded down and got kinda boring so I just left to hang out with matt. We watched taken. It was a movie about the drug war (I never really knew what that was until this), and how this high school graduate and her friend go off to France alone and are kidnapped, and the girl's dad is a retired government agent and comes to rescue her. Basically the bad guys take the girls and addict them to drugs and make them into prostitutes/sell them. It's kinda scary cuz this stuff actually happens. I'm never travelling alone...
Then saturday... ohhh man. Me and matt went to starved rock. we hiked a lot (there were a lot of stairs) and climbed all over things, including places we weren't supposed to go on (haha whoops). We got there somewhere around 1 and stayed till around I think 5 or so. We also took lots of pictures. I decided I wanted to do a lot of dramatic poses where I stare off into the distance. Well, during this one part, there was level ground, and it ended in an end cap of 100+ feet of rocks/dells, with different levels of rocks around it to climb, and a part that you could only get to by either crossing narrow logs on top of a pond, or hugging a flat rock wall and hoping for the best as you try to make your way across. well matt did that on the one side. he made it across that way. any gaps/stepping stones/etc in the rock he had to use over there were very minimal, maybe an inch jutting out from the surface. really small. it was crazy how he got across. and then I tried to get across but took the logged way. basically there were a few logs in a relatively shallow pond, layed across the water. that part of the water I was crossing through couldn't have been more than 8 inches deep. But inside I was kinda freaking out cuz the water was all dark and murky and full of leaves and all that I could picture in my head the whole time was that lake of death, or whatever it is, in one of the lord of the rings movies where frodo crosses and falls in and there are all these scary dead bodies in there and they grab them. All I could think about while crossing was that that little pond would have creepy, mysterious things in there waiting to reach out and snap me if I fell in. well. I got across, even though I wobbled some and almost fell in. Then I got on top of the rock cave at the other side, and went to go sit off of the rounded edge to test how deep the water was with my long, skinny walking stick/balance-helper. aaaaaand I immediately fell in, slipping on a leaf and falling into the water. The part that I fell in, only a foot or 2 from the part I crossed on, was up to my waist (and by waist I mean pants' waist, not torso waist). you can only imagine how much I was freaking out at this point. basically, to give you a mental picture, I ran straight out of the murky water saying "eeew! eeew! EEEW!" yeah. I was fine. wet from the waist down for a little bit (thank god I wore hiking boots and water-wicking polyester shorts and under armor) and my legs were cold for a while, but I wore clothes that were made for that kinda crazy stuff so it was ok. but MAN did it freak me out. I have a huge fear of ponds and lakes. lake michigan and the ocean don't bother me, unless I start to stray from shallow water into parts I can't see (hello big fishies and, in the case of the ocean, sharks). What bugs me about them is that I can't see the bottom, and if the bottom feels slimy, yucky, or gross. I used to swim in lakes all the time when I was little, but after a while.... I dunno. they just freaked me out to no end. especially after I got a leech on me. but it's mainly the bottom that causes most worry for me. And idk... the whole part that anything could be in there. yeah. that did it for me. So then after that we walked around some more and finished up there and went to the welcome center, and then a lodge there and got hot drinks. I got a tea that I found out was sweetened (whoops). and matt got hot cider and fudge. I chose to ignore the fudge's existence. It kinda helped that matt told me the box wasn't filled with fudge, but gross, dead, meat-ful steaks (LOL). then we went home and I changed into new clothes, out of the wet ones, and then we went to dennys and ordered deliiiicious build-your-own slams. they now have holiday breakfast foods. I was in heaven. Then we watched the borne identity. very action-packed and just cool. I like action movies. especially lately. idky. We somehow got into a big pillow/tickle/wet willy fight and idk... it was just so much fun. I love all the simple things I can enjoy with him, even if they are ridiculously silly. and we love being silly. I think couples who are just in it for the serious romantic stuff/sex/marriage/long-term/paying bills together/whatever, are missing out on something. cuz it's so fun to be silly!
so... it's today, sunday. blah. what have I gotten accomplished? well I relaxed some and went shopping. twice. cuz I had to make an exchange on a scale, and looked a few places for it. After the 3rd scale I've bought, finally this one is accurate (I THINK. I only tried the model in the store. but the model was accurate). sucks cuz, the one that I bought that was 30 pounds off I got my money back on, a good $8 or 9, but the other one, the one that was always coming up with weights that were waaaay too small, costed $25, plus shipping since I bought it online, and I threw away the receipt to it. So I'm kinda stuck with it. and it's inaccurate. boo! I mean, It's flattering, because it really downplays my weight. but I don't want flattering, I want accurate. Especially now since I decided to go on creatine. I want to keep track of how much I'll gain and lose through the cycles. I'm expecting some water weight through this but it'll go down later either when i've taken it for a while, or when I get back off it. Either way, It's very safe. I did my research. I'm not gonna take body builder amounts. just 1-2 5 gram servings per day, maybe not even any on days that I don't work out. But it's shown to help gain muscle mass (which I want to do. I'd like a little bit more muscles), give you more energy (helps with atp production or break down and creatine is something naturally produced in your muscles, this is just giving them more), and help with performance so... here goes! aaaaand I am off to go work out. until next time :)
Then saturday... ohhh man. Me and matt went to starved rock. we hiked a lot (there were a lot of stairs) and climbed all over things, including places we weren't supposed to go on (haha whoops). We got there somewhere around 1 and stayed till around I think 5 or so. We also took lots of pictures. I decided I wanted to do a lot of dramatic poses where I stare off into the distance. Well, during this one part, there was level ground, and it ended in an end cap of 100+ feet of rocks/dells, with different levels of rocks around it to climb, and a part that you could only get to by either crossing narrow logs on top of a pond, or hugging a flat rock wall and hoping for the best as you try to make your way across. well matt did that on the one side. he made it across that way. any gaps/stepping stones/etc in the rock he had to use over there were very minimal, maybe an inch jutting out from the surface. really small. it was crazy how he got across. and then I tried to get across but took the logged way. basically there were a few logs in a relatively shallow pond, layed across the water. that part of the water I was crossing through couldn't have been more than 8 inches deep. But inside I was kinda freaking out cuz the water was all dark and murky and full of leaves and all that I could picture in my head the whole time was that lake of death, or whatever it is, in one of the lord of the rings movies where frodo crosses and falls in and there are all these scary dead bodies in there and they grab them. All I could think about while crossing was that that little pond would have creepy, mysterious things in there waiting to reach out and snap me if I fell in. well. I got across, even though I wobbled some and almost fell in. Then I got on top of the rock cave at the other side, and went to go sit off of the rounded edge to test how deep the water was with my long, skinny walking stick/balance-helper. aaaaaand I immediately fell in, slipping on a leaf and falling into the water. The part that I fell in, only a foot or 2 from the part I crossed on, was up to my waist (and by waist I mean pants' waist, not torso waist). you can only imagine how much I was freaking out at this point. basically, to give you a mental picture, I ran straight out of the murky water saying "eeew! eeew! EEEW!" yeah. I was fine. wet from the waist down for a little bit (thank god I wore hiking boots and water-wicking polyester shorts and under armor) and my legs were cold for a while, but I wore clothes that were made for that kinda crazy stuff so it was ok. but MAN did it freak me out. I have a huge fear of ponds and lakes. lake michigan and the ocean don't bother me, unless I start to stray from shallow water into parts I can't see (hello big fishies and, in the case of the ocean, sharks). What bugs me about them is that I can't see the bottom, and if the bottom feels slimy, yucky, or gross. I used to swim in lakes all the time when I was little, but after a while.... I dunno. they just freaked me out to no end. especially after I got a leech on me. but it's mainly the bottom that causes most worry for me. And idk... the whole part that anything could be in there. yeah. that did it for me. So then after that we walked around some more and finished up there and went to the welcome center, and then a lodge there and got hot drinks. I got a tea that I found out was sweetened (whoops). and matt got hot cider and fudge. I chose to ignore the fudge's existence. It kinda helped that matt told me the box wasn't filled with fudge, but gross, dead, meat-ful steaks (LOL). then we went home and I changed into new clothes, out of the wet ones, and then we went to dennys and ordered deliiiicious build-your-own slams. they now have holiday breakfast foods. I was in heaven. Then we watched the borne identity. very action-packed and just cool. I like action movies. especially lately. idky. We somehow got into a big pillow/tickle/wet willy fight and idk... it was just so much fun. I love all the simple things I can enjoy with him, even if they are ridiculously silly. and we love being silly. I think couples who are just in it for the serious romantic stuff/sex/marriage/long-term/paying bills together/whatever, are missing out on something. cuz it's so fun to be silly!
so... it's today, sunday. blah. what have I gotten accomplished? well I relaxed some and went shopping. twice. cuz I had to make an exchange on a scale, and looked a few places for it. After the 3rd scale I've bought, finally this one is accurate (I THINK. I only tried the model in the store. but the model was accurate). sucks cuz, the one that I bought that was 30 pounds off I got my money back on, a good $8 or 9, but the other one, the one that was always coming up with weights that were waaaay too small, costed $25, plus shipping since I bought it online, and I threw away the receipt to it. So I'm kinda stuck with it. and it's inaccurate. boo! I mean, It's flattering, because it really downplays my weight. but I don't want flattering, I want accurate. Especially now since I decided to go on creatine. I want to keep track of how much I'll gain and lose through the cycles. I'm expecting some water weight through this but it'll go down later either when i've taken it for a while, or when I get back off it. Either way, It's very safe. I did my research. I'm not gonna take body builder amounts. just 1-2 5 gram servings per day, maybe not even any on days that I don't work out. But it's shown to help gain muscle mass (which I want to do. I'd like a little bit more muscles), give you more energy (helps with atp production or break down and creatine is something naturally produced in your muscles, this is just giving them more), and help with performance so... here goes! aaaaand I am off to go work out. until next time :)
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
end o' the night
I hope you know that, it was a fantastic day that just ended and all I came on my little lap top was to blog about it. So, hopefully someone will read this and be glad I did. It was though. It was a splendifforous day. Went to two classes- kickboxing and a weight lifting class. twas maaaaavalous. I love classes at the gym-always put me in a better mood. then went home and had a smoothie. middle of the day was... meh, but dad-free. went to work and school and blah blah blah. haha the worst part was taking a spanish test and KNOWING that I pretty much failed it/did bad on it. whoops. ummmm should prolly get on that, just like the rest of my heaping pile of shit to do. then went over to matt's. we went running. it was fantastic! I ran with him more than I would have alone. I'm sure that we ran at least 2 miles, if not more. too bad I didn't keep track of how long we were gone. but it was... so nice. I just want to run with him more. Then we watched this awesome movie, the crow. that guy looks like the joker. and is a little like the joker, only a quieter, more introverted-type of joker. it's awesome though. he's a ghost/died and comes back to life and avenges the people that killed him and his fiancee. which makes me jealous and wish I could do that. Then just... being with matt was nice. he took my headshot tonight. got a few good ones. hopefully I'll get some work somehow. and speaking of work, my friend amy's bank is hiring. man.... I just need a second job. sv was great and all, just not financially stable. too bad it's only a month. speaking of which, I got paid more than I thought I would! it's awesome that maybe those extra days counted for something. I feel so.... recognized this year. It's awesome. The party will be fun :). It'll be nice to see everyone together again. holy shit it's almost matt's birthday. just over a week. man.... so many things to look forward to! yaaaaay for things seeming to get better!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
ugh....
well, earlier I felt better, because I had gone for a run this morning and today was actually a really good day. my dad was gone, I got to go shopping, I got paid.... yeah. good day. But more and more things just keep coming up that I gotta do. Sooooo many creative goals on top of all my must-do goals. I'm planning my days out, I'm just running out of time each day. can't I just stay up all night or stay home from work? that would make things a whole lot easier. but no. can't lose sleep, and I can't lose money-very important things right now. and on top of this, I'm trying to fill out acting resumes and job applications.... why do I always pile so much crap on my plate? haha. ohh yeah. cuz I like to do everything, that's why. well... beats being bored I guess. though I haven't been bored in forever! but hey. on the bright side, I've been eating healthier, and incorporating exercise back into my day :) tomorrow HOPEFULLY I won't miss kickboxing tomorrow. I LOVE that class :) so crazy and fun. and then if I make that, I won't have to make up for exercise later! man. I just... don't want to go to work or tend to responsibilities anymore. senioritis much? yup. getting burnt out. oh and, matt is in a movie! he's actually seen on screen. it's called contagion. it's so cool. he's going through hair and make up and everything. woohoo! I really hope for him that his acting career can take off some day. I would also love to get some sort of creative career going, but again. no time these days! jeez. after october? forget it. cuz october is statesville. and november and december means looking for a second job cuz everybody is hiring for the holidays, and preparing for the holidays. in this sense, I hate the holidays. seems like all they're there for is for people to shop and spend way more than they've got, and presents-giving and getting. nobody honors the true meanings anymore behind the actual days- religion, and spending close times with your loved ones. not that I'm an advocate/role model for either, but still. I feel strongly on this, and yet I'm not gonna be the one to protest and put my foot down and just not get anything for anybody this year. that's stupid. Whatevs. I think that's all my ranting about life for the day. ta ta! oh! and me and matt decided we're gonna register for the turkey trot- a 5k. which means running more with him. i'm essited :)
Saturday, November 6, 2010
oh noes! i almost forgot!
so.... almost forgot to blog tonight! but that's bad cuz I want to blog everyday if I can, or maybe every other day. we'll see how it goes. so today was fabulous! best day I've had probably since statesville. Well, not gonna lie. started out pretty shitty. cuz me and matt were planning on going on a long bike ride for the longest time. but that was ruined cuz we got to the place and found out my bike didn't work. with closer examination, it looked like somebody had ran it over, or just thrown it around a bunch! the tires were bent, the gears didn't shift, it couldn't ride smoothly at all-you REALLY had to kinda force it in order to make it go. so it was just kinda like- OMGWTFIHATELIFEWHODIDTHIS?! preeeetty sure it was my brother. nobody else takes my bike without asking, and he's the one that totalled my other bike before. but there's no way to prove anything. and the thing is, even if there WAS a way to prove something, and my brother DID do that, what could I do? my parents don't really care. there's not much they can do. nobody controls him cuz he doesn't listen to anybody. and he has no job. still doesn't have a job. and even if he did, he'd never pay me back. it's like I can't even keep a bike in my house. there's nothing really to chain it up against. ummm so this sucks. another reason I hate it there. but let's not get into that I wanna talk about my awesome day k?
So after we figured out that that aspect of life sucked, it was pretty much like a little bit of moping on my part, but then matt brought up the fact that there's nothing I could do about it, I should stop focusing on it, and that we should focus on other things and put it behind us so we could have a GOOD day.
So, at first we decided we'd go back to his house and try biking by his house and borrowing a bike from his rents. but then we passed this amazing-looking scenic, open park and it was like OMG PARK! (for those of you who didn't know, I have a crazy affinity for "childish" things like parks and play places! wish adults could play on them more without being looked at weird or yelled at!). so, we checked out this beautiful park with a, well. park (swing set and everything), and a pretty, long bridge (I love bridges, too. HATE THEM when I'm going over them with a car. but LOVE them when I'm walking on them. especially when they're those cute, quaint, old, picturesque bridges <3), played on the park part, and walked around on the scenic path. idk, just with how nice the sun was today, and the weather (it was maybe 50 degrees, barely any wind. NICE weather for november!), and the leaves everywhere... heaven! and it's nice cuz after a while you get to that point where it's a nice kind of fatigued. the kind where you earn it. being out in fresh, crisp air just does that to you! it's a nice feeling, getting into bed and going "ahhhh"(as in relaxing sigh) cuz you know you'll actually sleep tonight! then we went to the phillip's park zoo- a free zoo! it was so cool! they had big snakes, and alligators, big turtles, bald eagles, llamas, otters, lions, wolves, and other things. it was so cool! and we checked out the play place/play grounds there, and walked around there too. very refreshing :). doing physical things just make me feel like I earned the day- it's rewarding!
Then we went to olive garden. it was so delicious! ever hear of those people that die from eating, because they starve for such an extended period of time, that they end up eating eventually and it's a shock to their systems? well, I can't help but thinking that, maybe if these people went to olive garden, it wouldn't be so bad of a death. there was NOTHING like coming there and eating the amazing and salty hot soup after being out in cold and tiring out. was pure deliciousness. tried a new entree and found out, as far as the others go, it wasn't even that bad for me! was one of the lowest calorie dinners there, actually. and me being me, I only ate half. def a good feeling :)
Then we hung out with brad and dani down town cuz brad came back to town. I was so glad he did! I love seeing friends when they come back, especially on surprise visits! and y'know? it's good to keep up with friends and send them stuff, im, text, whatever, but it's awesome to be in person with them, even if you don't even talk much, or talk about nothing important at all... just to read their facial expressions and body language and stuff. that's the awesome part about seeing someone in person. (on a side note though, not gonna lie. video chat/skype still scares me. because I know it's not real. I know, it's weird). So, that was nice. we went to barnes and noble and ended up seeing some awesome famous guy, he meant a lot to matt and brad and I had never heard of him before... to be honest I already forgot his name. but I bought matt a book of his so that he could have it signed, cuz I know he was low on cash and I know how much it meant to him. So that was neat, to run into one of their idols randomly. and then we went to red mango. OMGIFRICKINLOVETHATPLACEITTASTESLIKEHOWSEXSHOULDBUTONLYFORMYMOUTH (not that I would know what that tastes like. haha). ooooh. it's the 7th already. which means it's almost thanksgiving, I almost get to see laura <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 (pardon all the hearts. I just miss that bitch dearly). it's almost the statesville cast party. It's almost matt's birthday. It's almost our anniversary... so many good things to look forward to this weekened! eeeeee!
So after we figured out that that aspect of life sucked, it was pretty much like a little bit of moping on my part, but then matt brought up the fact that there's nothing I could do about it, I should stop focusing on it, and that we should focus on other things and put it behind us so we could have a GOOD day.
So, at first we decided we'd go back to his house and try biking by his house and borrowing a bike from his rents. but then we passed this amazing-looking scenic, open park and it was like OMG PARK! (for those of you who didn't know, I have a crazy affinity for "childish" things like parks and play places! wish adults could play on them more without being looked at weird or yelled at!). so, we checked out this beautiful park with a, well. park (swing set and everything), and a pretty, long bridge (I love bridges, too. HATE THEM when I'm going over them with a car. but LOVE them when I'm walking on them. especially when they're those cute, quaint, old, picturesque bridges <3), played on the park part, and walked around on the scenic path. idk, just with how nice the sun was today, and the weather (it was maybe 50 degrees, barely any wind. NICE weather for november!), and the leaves everywhere... heaven! and it's nice cuz after a while you get to that point where it's a nice kind of fatigued. the kind where you earn it. being out in fresh, crisp air just does that to you! it's a nice feeling, getting into bed and going "ahhhh"(as in relaxing sigh) cuz you know you'll actually sleep tonight! then we went to the phillip's park zoo- a free zoo! it was so cool! they had big snakes, and alligators, big turtles, bald eagles, llamas, otters, lions, wolves, and other things. it was so cool! and we checked out the play place/play grounds there, and walked around there too. very refreshing :). doing physical things just make me feel like I earned the day- it's rewarding!
Then we went to olive garden. it was so delicious! ever hear of those people that die from eating, because they starve for such an extended period of time, that they end up eating eventually and it's a shock to their systems? well, I can't help but thinking that, maybe if these people went to olive garden, it wouldn't be so bad of a death. there was NOTHING like coming there and eating the amazing and salty hot soup after being out in cold and tiring out. was pure deliciousness. tried a new entree and found out, as far as the others go, it wasn't even that bad for me! was one of the lowest calorie dinners there, actually. and me being me, I only ate half. def a good feeling :)
Then we hung out with brad and dani down town cuz brad came back to town. I was so glad he did! I love seeing friends when they come back, especially on surprise visits! and y'know? it's good to keep up with friends and send them stuff, im, text, whatever, but it's awesome to be in person with them, even if you don't even talk much, or talk about nothing important at all... just to read their facial expressions and body language and stuff. that's the awesome part about seeing someone in person. (on a side note though, not gonna lie. video chat/skype still scares me. because I know it's not real. I know, it's weird). So, that was nice. we went to barnes and noble and ended up seeing some awesome famous guy, he meant a lot to matt and brad and I had never heard of him before... to be honest I already forgot his name. but I bought matt a book of his so that he could have it signed, cuz I know he was low on cash and I know how much it meant to him. So that was neat, to run into one of their idols randomly. and then we went to red mango. OMGIFRICKINLOVETHATPLACEITTASTESLIKEHOWSEXSHOULDBUTONLYFORMYMOUTH (not that I would know what that tastes like. haha). ooooh. it's the 7th already. which means it's almost thanksgiving, I almost get to see laura <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 (pardon all the hearts. I just miss that bitch dearly). it's almost the statesville cast party. It's almost matt's birthday. It's almost our anniversary... so many good things to look forward to this weekened! eeeeee!
Friday, November 5, 2010
it's friday?
it's a friday night.... and I didn't go out. an odd concept. but, I feel kinda, sorta, somewhat rested! well ok. not really. my energy is bleh. Definitely came home today after I got off work at 5 (worked a 6 hour shift! woohoo! that's more than i've worked there in a whiiiile) and tried to take a nap, and definitely failed at that :-/
so alas, I'm pretty damn worn out! I mean, I tried to nap for a long time, like an hour! but I just couldn't. Sometimes I try to go to bed/take a nap and I'm just too anxious. blah. but on the bright side, got a job application for hollywood palms today! turns out one of the girls from choir, amy, works there, who'da thunk? I kinda hope I get hired there cuz it's something I'm used to, and if i get to be a server, hopefully I can make (good) tips. only problem is, I can pretty much kiss my weekends goodbye.
But that's pretty much what I'm surrendering with any job, cuz for whatever second job I pick up, it'll be giving up my weekends.
It was day 4 of no sugar, and I succeeded! well okay. I had the last of the irish soda bread (which is kinda like raisin bread but better, for those of you who don't know). bad me! But other than that, I stayed faithful to myself! All i've been craving is sugar all day. Hot chocolate, chocolate, ice cream, candy.... ESPECIALLY hot chocolate. but no! If I want to be healthier and actually do this, I'm gonna stick to this, damnit.
So tomorrow, me and matt are going on a bike ride. It's supposed to be as high as 50 degrees tomorrow so, yay not-unbearably-cold-weather! I can't wait. I rrrrreally need some exercise. I've barely gotten any this week, I've been so tired! but that's gonna change. I love though how we can exercise together. It's pretty much what I've always wanted in a boyfriend, an exercise buddy, but no one's ever wanted to exercise with me before. Until now :D. Over the summer we took a lot of bike rides, and these days we've been taking walks, we even ran once.... it's good to know I can exercise with him. Cuz it's one of my favorite things to do.
Omgomgomg I'm SO hoping I get more sleep tonight. Here's to taking a melatonin pill and hoping it works tonight :)
Ohhhh man. It is freezing outside but I think before I go to sleep, I'm gonna take a walk. I could really use it right now.
Things to do before bed: Fill out my palms application, possibly work on homework, journal, and possibly write down ideas for the story I wanna write :)
ps. i've been listening to this group called marianas trench lately (late in the game among my friends, but they're nonetheless awesome) if you're bored and wanna listen to something new in the alt rock genre, check them out! they're def the kind of songs that get stuck in my head all day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ywmxh8BnMHM
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJpXWj4m-Ic
so alas, I'm pretty damn worn out! I mean, I tried to nap for a long time, like an hour! but I just couldn't. Sometimes I try to go to bed/take a nap and I'm just too anxious. blah. but on the bright side, got a job application for hollywood palms today! turns out one of the girls from choir, amy, works there, who'da thunk? I kinda hope I get hired there cuz it's something I'm used to, and if i get to be a server, hopefully I can make (good) tips. only problem is, I can pretty much kiss my weekends goodbye.
But that's pretty much what I'm surrendering with any job, cuz for whatever second job I pick up, it'll be giving up my weekends.
It was day 4 of no sugar, and I succeeded! well okay. I had the last of the irish soda bread (which is kinda like raisin bread but better, for those of you who don't know). bad me! But other than that, I stayed faithful to myself! All i've been craving is sugar all day. Hot chocolate, chocolate, ice cream, candy.... ESPECIALLY hot chocolate. but no! If I want to be healthier and actually do this, I'm gonna stick to this, damnit.
So tomorrow, me and matt are going on a bike ride. It's supposed to be as high as 50 degrees tomorrow so, yay not-unbearably-cold-weather! I can't wait. I rrrrreally need some exercise. I've barely gotten any this week, I've been so tired! but that's gonna change. I love though how we can exercise together. It's pretty much what I've always wanted in a boyfriend, an exercise buddy, but no one's ever wanted to exercise with me before. Until now :D. Over the summer we took a lot of bike rides, and these days we've been taking walks, we even ran once.... it's good to know I can exercise with him. Cuz it's one of my favorite things to do.
Omgomgomg I'm SO hoping I get more sleep tonight. Here's to taking a melatonin pill and hoping it works tonight :)
Ohhhh man. It is freezing outside but I think before I go to sleep, I'm gonna take a walk. I could really use it right now.
Things to do before bed: Fill out my palms application, possibly work on homework, journal, and possibly write down ideas for the story I wanna write :)
ps. i've been listening to this group called marianas trench lately (late in the game among my friends, but they're nonetheless awesome) if you're bored and wanna listen to something new in the alt rock genre, check them out! they're def the kind of songs that get stuck in my head all day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ywmxh8BnMHM
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJpXWj4m-Ic
Thursday, November 4, 2010
wooohooo first blog :D
So basically, for those of you wondering, I'm starting a blog cuz I have a lot to talk about. What do I have to talk about? eating healthy/fitness, creative stuff, and love/loss/life itself. I'm kinda interested to see who follows this. so if you're on here? cool! means somebody besides me is interested/being entertained by the words coming out of my brain. or maybe just stalking me. I guess that's cool too. Best jump right into it!
This is day #3 without sugar. After halloween, I've vowed to go on a sugar fast. I've just been eating too much candy, desserts, sugary drinks, etc lately and it's driving me nuts and I want to go back to eating healthy like I usually do. The basic rules are to cut out caffeine (except in tea. cuz I've had 6 or 7 coffees in October- more than I ever do in a year), candy, sugary drinks, dessert, and anything else that's sugary and not real food and bad for me. So what CAN I have? honey I consider to be okay, cuz I use that to top my english muffins with pb in the morning, although once I run out of real honey I'm switching to the agave nectar I recently bought. cuz it tastes sort of like honey but is wayyy better for you. chocolate soy milk (yes I drink soy milk, not regular milk) is iffy. Cuz it has tons of added sugars to it. so... after I'm done with the containers i've recently bough, I'm not planning on buying anymore of those. it just doesn't feel right. smoothies (as long as it's not too ridiculous, like those fake smoothies that are hardly even made up of real fruit and mainly fruit juices or just sugar/syrup) are okay, again, as long as they're mainly natural. such as those from jamba juice- ideally the all fruit ones, or as close to it as I can get. same thing with the ones I make at home-those are ok too cuz i don't add any sugar to them. yogurt is okay. most of the time that's healthy. fruit is of course ok. fruit juice I personally am saying no to. it has little nutritional merit. but pancakes I am letting slide. they're my favorite breakfast food ever and they'll be a once in a while treat. as far as caffeine goes, my personal belief on that is, yes it can be beneficial, such as having some before exercise, but I want to go off natural energy again. That's what I used to do, until I started letting forms of caffeine in my life again (coffee, five hour energy, etc), but... no more. I'm 19. I should be able to run off my own natural energy without that kind of help. also, it gives me crazy jitters! as far as cereal goes, as long as it's not too bad for you, as in still pretty good for you, such as fiber 1 or special k (mmmmm), then that's ok. but if it's something like captain crunch, reeses puffs, etc? chyeah. forget that. I believe that's all my guidelines for now.
So how have I been doing on this? by my standards, pretty mediocre. The first day I went to the movies (saw paranormal activity 2. all I can say is: was a good laugh) and tooootally forgot that I was doing this and had like half of a virgin strawberry daquiri. the second day I didn't do too bad. had a couple fortune cookies but that's it. But then today in choir it was our professor's birthday, so we all brought him something and celebrated... and I had some puppy chow and later some coffee.... yeah. that was the end of that. at that point, afterwards it was pretty much like: reality check! what IS this crap that I was putting in my body? yeah. time to stop. So.... with a new sense of purpose, haven't touched anything else sugary all day (well. I had a little irish soda bread. should probably quit having that), and tomorrow, here I come!
So maybe you're asking yourself.... why is she torturing herself like this? well to me it's not torture. I've abstained from sugar before. did it for lent early this year. and yeah, felt like crap the first week or two while I was adjusting to not having it, but it felt pretty damn good to be that healthy after that first speed bump! And it's definitely not as hard this time. pretty hard. but not quite that hard. but... lately I've been slipping up pretty bad. been eating wayyyy too much sugary junk food to the extent that I'm not so happy with myself anymore. I don't feel very confident. At one point after I gave up sugar, I was feeling actually okay about myself and I finally felt like I looked kind of good. but lately... not so much. so? Time to change that. I mean, granted. last month I worked at a haunted house and was crazy busy and on top of all the crap I was eating, also wasn't getting enough exercise and not sleeping much, too. So of course I haven't been looking all that great because my body hasn't been in top shape like I used to. and right now I'm STILL recovering from that (fixing my eating habits, catching up on my sleep, etc).
Also, for those of you who didn't know. I lead kind of a stressful life, and all the sugar, while, at the moment, helps with my anxiety, doesn't help it in the long term. anyways. Time to be off and get to bed for now. until tomorrow!
This is day #3 without sugar. After halloween, I've vowed to go on a sugar fast. I've just been eating too much candy, desserts, sugary drinks, etc lately and it's driving me nuts and I want to go back to eating healthy like I usually do. The basic rules are to cut out caffeine (except in tea. cuz I've had 6 or 7 coffees in October- more than I ever do in a year), candy, sugary drinks, dessert, and anything else that's sugary and not real food and bad for me. So what CAN I have? honey I consider to be okay, cuz I use that to top my english muffins with pb in the morning, although once I run out of real honey I'm switching to the agave nectar I recently bought. cuz it tastes sort of like honey but is wayyy better for you. chocolate soy milk (yes I drink soy milk, not regular milk) is iffy. Cuz it has tons of added sugars to it. so... after I'm done with the containers i've recently bough, I'm not planning on buying anymore of those. it just doesn't feel right. smoothies (as long as it's not too ridiculous, like those fake smoothies that are hardly even made up of real fruit and mainly fruit juices or just sugar/syrup) are okay, again, as long as they're mainly natural. such as those from jamba juice- ideally the all fruit ones, or as close to it as I can get. same thing with the ones I make at home-those are ok too cuz i don't add any sugar to them. yogurt is okay. most of the time that's healthy. fruit is of course ok. fruit juice I personally am saying no to. it has little nutritional merit. but pancakes I am letting slide. they're my favorite breakfast food ever and they'll be a once in a while treat. as far as caffeine goes, my personal belief on that is, yes it can be beneficial, such as having some before exercise, but I want to go off natural energy again. That's what I used to do, until I started letting forms of caffeine in my life again (coffee, five hour energy, etc), but... no more. I'm 19. I should be able to run off my own natural energy without that kind of help. also, it gives me crazy jitters! as far as cereal goes, as long as it's not too bad for you, as in still pretty good for you, such as fiber 1 or special k (mmmmm), then that's ok. but if it's something like captain crunch, reeses puffs, etc? chyeah. forget that. I believe that's all my guidelines for now.
So how have I been doing on this? by my standards, pretty mediocre. The first day I went to the movies (saw paranormal activity 2. all I can say is: was a good laugh) and tooootally forgot that I was doing this and had like half of a virgin strawberry daquiri. the second day I didn't do too bad. had a couple fortune cookies but that's it. But then today in choir it was our professor's birthday, so we all brought him something and celebrated... and I had some puppy chow and later some coffee.... yeah. that was the end of that. at that point, afterwards it was pretty much like: reality check! what IS this crap that I was putting in my body? yeah. time to stop. So.... with a new sense of purpose, haven't touched anything else sugary all day (well. I had a little irish soda bread. should probably quit having that), and tomorrow, here I come!
So maybe you're asking yourself.... why is she torturing herself like this? well to me it's not torture. I've abstained from sugar before. did it for lent early this year. and yeah, felt like crap the first week or two while I was adjusting to not having it, but it felt pretty damn good to be that healthy after that first speed bump! And it's definitely not as hard this time. pretty hard. but not quite that hard. but... lately I've been slipping up pretty bad. been eating wayyyy too much sugary junk food to the extent that I'm not so happy with myself anymore. I don't feel very confident. At one point after I gave up sugar, I was feeling actually okay about myself and I finally felt like I looked kind of good. but lately... not so much. so? Time to change that. I mean, granted. last month I worked at a haunted house and was crazy busy and on top of all the crap I was eating, also wasn't getting enough exercise and not sleeping much, too. So of course I haven't been looking all that great because my body hasn't been in top shape like I used to. and right now I'm STILL recovering from that (fixing my eating habits, catching up on my sleep, etc).
Also, for those of you who didn't know. I lead kind of a stressful life, and all the sugar, while, at the moment, helps with my anxiety, doesn't help it in the long term. anyways. Time to be off and get to bed for now. until tomorrow!
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